There appears to be a general consensus around real gothic types on the internet (not posers or the 'it looks cool people'). This consensus concerns the genuine happiness of being who they are. Some began the goth life at 11-12 while others did not truly embrace the darkness until 25-30. This has put my mid at ease about what and why I am searching for the right path. I guess what I am looking for is a reconnection with life. This life that I am increasingly feeling a disconnection to.
My disconnection began a just over a year ago (jees its been that long)! I had for the most part of my life wanted to join the Army. It was my greatest passion and my biggest obsession. It was the only thing I had ever done that I was good at to such an incredible extent. I excelled in the Cadets and in the Territorial Army. I was the best. I am not a big headed person by any stretch of the imagination but when it came to the Army, no one was better than me. By emphasising this, I want you to understand the massive importance I placed upon it.
But, one night, I just could not proceed. I just felt like I did not want it. I did not want to be in the Army. It was not fear of war or death. Nothing of the sort. It was ironically the lack of individuality the Army provides. I was unaware I craved this sense of individuality, this uniqueness, this essential 'me' element, until that night; and the urge for it was unbearable. I left the Army and referred myself to counselling.
Long story short, I slowly (very slowly) got over this. This was not until I accepted that I had more than an interest in the Army; it was a fully consuming obsession. This admittance helped me alot. I am much better when concerned with the Army and military things. The conclusion of my Degree course in War and Security will allow me to close another chapter of this, effectively upsetting and self-destructing tale.
So I guess it is the impending conclusion of another chapter of this ongoing saga that has led me to the search for a rebirth if you will. A reconnection with a new life and a new way of thinking.
Showing posts with label Goths. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goths. Show all posts
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Taking the Plunge
I am sure alot of you are wondering why now? You will be going into the workplace soon and a professional image is essential to be successful and to even get a job. I totally agree with you. At work I will not have blue hair, piercings all over and a tattoo on my face. One must be sensible at my age and maintain my professional integrity as well as my own.
When I am not at work, evenings and weekends then I can be who I want to be and wear what I want to. I am sure that some days I will be content in a hoodie and joggers. Other days I may feel like I don't have enough chains dangling from me. It is the internal as well as the external feelings that are important.
I watched an interesting Youtube video today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIrkXyIGFyw&feature=related
What Goth is Not! Most people ask 'so what is goth?'. I am sure I have not yet answered this question both correctly or entirely. Arguably there is no definition on what a goth is. There are perceptions and assumptions but no right or wrong answer. By assessing what goth is not, one can draw ideas concerning what goth is. This must then take its own form in your own mind. Goth can be unique and individual.
When I was in secondary school I owned a pair of spiky, chainy, baggy black pants. Uber goth lol. They were £40. I never wore them. I never had the courage to wear them. The looks and the comments was not worth the hassle, nor did I want to add to the hassle I was having in my early years. So the mindset remained but the clothes, for the most part were more skater style than anything. I was not willing to venture far from the comfort zone on a regular basis. Even at University, I never felt like I could be who or what I wanted to be. I am in my last term of my last year now and the last bastion of freedom is almost gone.
There will be people out there who would say 'boo hoo, get over it and grow up' and perhaps they are right. But I argue that happiness in ones self is better started late than not at all.
When I am not at work, evenings and weekends then I can be who I want to be and wear what I want to. I am sure that some days I will be content in a hoodie and joggers. Other days I may feel like I don't have enough chains dangling from me. It is the internal as well as the external feelings that are important.
I watched an interesting Youtube video today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIrkXyIGFyw&feature=related
What Goth is Not! Most people ask 'so what is goth?'. I am sure I have not yet answered this question both correctly or entirely. Arguably there is no definition on what a goth is. There are perceptions and assumptions but no right or wrong answer. By assessing what goth is not, one can draw ideas concerning what goth is. This must then take its own form in your own mind. Goth can be unique and individual.
When I was in secondary school I owned a pair of spiky, chainy, baggy black pants. Uber goth lol. They were £40. I never wore them. I never had the courage to wear them. The looks and the comments was not worth the hassle, nor did I want to add to the hassle I was having in my early years. So the mindset remained but the clothes, for the most part were more skater style than anything. I was not willing to venture far from the comfort zone on a regular basis. Even at University, I never felt like I could be who or what I wanted to be. I am in my last term of my last year now and the last bastion of freedom is almost gone.
There will be people out there who would say 'boo hoo, get over it and grow up' and perhaps they are right. But I argue that happiness in ones self is better started late than not at all.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Define and contrast
Goth is a word that means alot of things. May envisage it as the black clad, vampire lookalikes. Others see them as Twilight loving teens.
To me goth is neither of these and is all of this. Goth to me is whatever you want it to be. It is not about rules and regulations on dress, hair, music and attitude. Goth is simply a word that encompasses an attitude of alternate. Punks, goths, emo's, skaters, hippies and anyone else that does not follow the Topshop/River Island trend. To me the value of goth is that you can be whoever you want to be.
If you want to wear all black and don a leather floor length jacket then go for it. If you want to wear mismatched florescent patterns, wild shoes and crazy makeup then that's great to. Each is goth in its own way. Each is alternate in its own way. So why is this not a diary of alternate fashion? It is simply because goth, like punk or emo is simply a label to represent something. Alternate means not the norm and with no restrictions. Although that is the ultimate goal, to label it as goth gives an initial structure to the inevitable anarchic style it will become. As I will discuss over the time of the blog, there is more to goth than all black and that goth simply defines an aesthetic, giving it structure to allow everyone else to understand the madness.
To me goth is neither of these and is all of this. Goth to me is whatever you want it to be. It is not about rules and regulations on dress, hair, music and attitude. Goth is simply a word that encompasses an attitude of alternate. Punks, goths, emo's, skaters, hippies and anyone else that does not follow the Topshop/River Island trend. To me the value of goth is that you can be whoever you want to be.
If you want to wear all black and don a leather floor length jacket then go for it. If you want to wear mismatched florescent patterns, wild shoes and crazy makeup then that's great to. Each is goth in its own way. Each is alternate in its own way. So why is this not a diary of alternate fashion? It is simply because goth, like punk or emo is simply a label to represent something. Alternate means not the norm and with no restrictions. Although that is the ultimate goal, to label it as goth gives an initial structure to the inevitable anarchic style it will become. As I will discuss over the time of the blog, there is more to goth than all black and that goth simply defines an aesthetic, giving it structure to allow everyone else to understand the madness.
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