As we have been well aware, it has been 2012 for a month now. At the time it was simply Big Ben hitting 12 and leaving it at that. Nothing special and as we moved from 2011 to 2012 I felt no distinct change in those few minutes and seconds.
But perhaps it is now that I feel the desire for a resolution. A need for change. There are times when I feel if I don't act now I may loose all chance to act at all in the future.
So I guess this is my resolution. This blog, my renewed determination to embrace the dark side and to be happy with myself, internally and externally before I move on to other things after university. I expect my forays will be random and really bad to begin with, either lazy attempts or too much too quickly but I expect that I will normalise eventually. My victory however is that I am at least trying to be me...finally.
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Monday, 30 January 2012
Confidence is the First Step
Confidence to act is easier said than done. But if there is one thing I will say is that you only ever have one chance. One shot to make it right (I think they are Eminem lyrics.....oh dear).
But my point is that you should embrace your feelings, passions and desires. As long as you want it then go for it and be happy. Be happy in all you do. If you want to wear it wear it. Be proud and confident in yourself and in time you will be the person you want to be.
But my point is that you should embrace your feelings, passions and desires. As long as you want it then go for it and be happy. Be happy in all you do. If you want to wear it wear it. Be proud and confident in yourself and in time you will be the person you want to be.
I am under no illusion that this will happen over night but the point at which you begin to change or at least try to change will be the beginning of a growth of confidence, The hardest part of anything is starting it.
Saturday, 28 January 2012
This or That? Breaching the label
There are many subcultures, styles and modus operandi within the gothic scene. From Punk to Vampiric goth, Steampunk to Cyberpunk. This simply represents the diverse nature of the community as a whole. Each one comes with its own style of dress, music and accessories.
However, I argue that one can be a combination of all things. The truest nature of goth is the nature of individuality and uniqueness. It does not always have to be black on black. It is all about choice. It is the ability to do what you want.
The world is confined by labels. It is determined and governed by labels. They are generated by society to define and categorise, mainly for its own understanding. It therefore warps the general population and forces them to comply with these norms and values, expected and dictated by these commonly understood labels.
Goth is a breach of these labels and so labelling within the gothic community is surely a self-defeating goal. Whilst labels do provide understanding and structure, they allow control and contain by creating walls around limitless creativity.
Therefore being unique and unpredictable is the true essence of the scene. Never loose yourself to a label, even a gothic one!
However, I argue that one can be a combination of all things. The truest nature of goth is the nature of individuality and uniqueness. It does not always have to be black on black. It is all about choice. It is the ability to do what you want.
The world is confined by labels. It is determined and governed by labels. They are generated by society to define and categorise, mainly for its own understanding. It therefore warps the general population and forces them to comply with these norms and values, expected and dictated by these commonly understood labels.
Goth is a breach of these labels and so labelling within the gothic community is surely a self-defeating goal. Whilst labels do provide understanding and structure, they allow control and contain by creating walls around limitless creativity.
Therefore being unique and unpredictable is the true essence of the scene. Never loose yourself to a label, even a gothic one!
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Reconnection
There appears to be a general consensus around real gothic types on the internet (not posers or the 'it looks cool people'). This consensus concerns the genuine happiness of being who they are. Some began the goth life at 11-12 while others did not truly embrace the darkness until 25-30. This has put my mid at ease about what and why I am searching for the right path. I guess what I am looking for is a reconnection with life. This life that I am increasingly feeling a disconnection to.
My disconnection began a just over a year ago (jees its been that long)! I had for the most part of my life wanted to join the Army. It was my greatest passion and my biggest obsession. It was the only thing I had ever done that I was good at to such an incredible extent. I excelled in the Cadets and in the Territorial Army. I was the best. I am not a big headed person by any stretch of the imagination but when it came to the Army, no one was better than me. By emphasising this, I want you to understand the massive importance I placed upon it.
But, one night, I just could not proceed. I just felt like I did not want it. I did not want to be in the Army. It was not fear of war or death. Nothing of the sort. It was ironically the lack of individuality the Army provides. I was unaware I craved this sense of individuality, this uniqueness, this essential 'me' element, until that night; and the urge for it was unbearable. I left the Army and referred myself to counselling.
Long story short, I slowly (very slowly) got over this. This was not until I accepted that I had more than an interest in the Army; it was a fully consuming obsession. This admittance helped me alot. I am much better when concerned with the Army and military things. The conclusion of my Degree course in War and Security will allow me to close another chapter of this, effectively upsetting and self-destructing tale.
So I guess it is the impending conclusion of another chapter of this ongoing saga that has led me to the search for a rebirth if you will. A reconnection with a new life and a new way of thinking.
My disconnection began a just over a year ago (jees its been that long)! I had for the most part of my life wanted to join the Army. It was my greatest passion and my biggest obsession. It was the only thing I had ever done that I was good at to such an incredible extent. I excelled in the Cadets and in the Territorial Army. I was the best. I am not a big headed person by any stretch of the imagination but when it came to the Army, no one was better than me. By emphasising this, I want you to understand the massive importance I placed upon it.
But, one night, I just could not proceed. I just felt like I did not want it. I did not want to be in the Army. It was not fear of war or death. Nothing of the sort. It was ironically the lack of individuality the Army provides. I was unaware I craved this sense of individuality, this uniqueness, this essential 'me' element, until that night; and the urge for it was unbearable. I left the Army and referred myself to counselling.
Long story short, I slowly (very slowly) got over this. This was not until I accepted that I had more than an interest in the Army; it was a fully consuming obsession. This admittance helped me alot. I am much better when concerned with the Army and military things. The conclusion of my Degree course in War and Security will allow me to close another chapter of this, effectively upsetting and self-destructing tale.
So I guess it is the impending conclusion of another chapter of this ongoing saga that has led me to the search for a rebirth if you will. A reconnection with a new life and a new way of thinking.
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Whats in a Name
I began to assess my wardrobe today and looked at what I did and did not have. I scoured Youtube and other sites for ideas on the aesthetic. It is clear that the style is massively varied and different branches within the subculture have very different and contrasting styles. From the vibrant colours of Cyber Punk to the Victorian themed Traditional Goth or New Romantic style. Although I am not wanting to be forced into picking a style, some seem more 'me' than others.
I was largely into the Steam Punk scene a year ago and I love the look, the style and even the idea. A post apocalyptic world of modernised Victorians and Airship Pirates. It is a heavily developed style and arguably its own self defined following of itself.
But the look was not one I would want to be at all times. It is hard to style the look away from fancy dress whilst still maintaining the air of adventurer as opposed to gentleman. Though on some occasions, the traditional gentleman is simply the only appropriate attire.
Therefore the hunt goes on for my ideal look. I am not after the shock statement and all that. Simply something that reflects my interests in ideals, music, philosophy and style.
I was largely into the Steam Punk scene a year ago and I love the look, the style and even the idea. A post apocalyptic world of modernised Victorians and Airship Pirates. It is a heavily developed style and arguably its own self defined following of itself.
But the look was not one I would want to be at all times. It is hard to style the look away from fancy dress whilst still maintaining the air of adventurer as opposed to gentleman. Though on some occasions, the traditional gentleman is simply the only appropriate attire.
Therefore the hunt goes on for my ideal look. I am not after the shock statement and all that. Simply something that reflects my interests in ideals, music, philosophy and style.
Taking the Plunge
I am sure alot of you are wondering why now? You will be going into the workplace soon and a professional image is essential to be successful and to even get a job. I totally agree with you. At work I will not have blue hair, piercings all over and a tattoo on my face. One must be sensible at my age and maintain my professional integrity as well as my own.
When I am not at work, evenings and weekends then I can be who I want to be and wear what I want to. I am sure that some days I will be content in a hoodie and joggers. Other days I may feel like I don't have enough chains dangling from me. It is the internal as well as the external feelings that are important.
I watched an interesting Youtube video today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIrkXyIGFyw&feature=related
What Goth is Not! Most people ask 'so what is goth?'. I am sure I have not yet answered this question both correctly or entirely. Arguably there is no definition on what a goth is. There are perceptions and assumptions but no right or wrong answer. By assessing what goth is not, one can draw ideas concerning what goth is. This must then take its own form in your own mind. Goth can be unique and individual.
When I was in secondary school I owned a pair of spiky, chainy, baggy black pants. Uber goth lol. They were £40. I never wore them. I never had the courage to wear them. The looks and the comments was not worth the hassle, nor did I want to add to the hassle I was having in my early years. So the mindset remained but the clothes, for the most part were more skater style than anything. I was not willing to venture far from the comfort zone on a regular basis. Even at University, I never felt like I could be who or what I wanted to be. I am in my last term of my last year now and the last bastion of freedom is almost gone.
There will be people out there who would say 'boo hoo, get over it and grow up' and perhaps they are right. But I argue that happiness in ones self is better started late than not at all.
When I am not at work, evenings and weekends then I can be who I want to be and wear what I want to. I am sure that some days I will be content in a hoodie and joggers. Other days I may feel like I don't have enough chains dangling from me. It is the internal as well as the external feelings that are important.
I watched an interesting Youtube video today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIrkXyIGFyw&feature=related
What Goth is Not! Most people ask 'so what is goth?'. I am sure I have not yet answered this question both correctly or entirely. Arguably there is no definition on what a goth is. There are perceptions and assumptions but no right or wrong answer. By assessing what goth is not, one can draw ideas concerning what goth is. This must then take its own form in your own mind. Goth can be unique and individual.
When I was in secondary school I owned a pair of spiky, chainy, baggy black pants. Uber goth lol. They were £40. I never wore them. I never had the courage to wear them. The looks and the comments was not worth the hassle, nor did I want to add to the hassle I was having in my early years. So the mindset remained but the clothes, for the most part were more skater style than anything. I was not willing to venture far from the comfort zone on a regular basis. Even at University, I never felt like I could be who or what I wanted to be. I am in my last term of my last year now and the last bastion of freedom is almost gone.
There will be people out there who would say 'boo hoo, get over it and grow up' and perhaps they are right. But I argue that happiness in ones self is better started late than not at all.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Define and contrast
Goth is a word that means alot of things. May envisage it as the black clad, vampire lookalikes. Others see them as Twilight loving teens.
To me goth is neither of these and is all of this. Goth to me is whatever you want it to be. It is not about rules and regulations on dress, hair, music and attitude. Goth is simply a word that encompasses an attitude of alternate. Punks, goths, emo's, skaters, hippies and anyone else that does not follow the Topshop/River Island trend. To me the value of goth is that you can be whoever you want to be.
If you want to wear all black and don a leather floor length jacket then go for it. If you want to wear mismatched florescent patterns, wild shoes and crazy makeup then that's great to. Each is goth in its own way. Each is alternate in its own way. So why is this not a diary of alternate fashion? It is simply because goth, like punk or emo is simply a label to represent something. Alternate means not the norm and with no restrictions. Although that is the ultimate goal, to label it as goth gives an initial structure to the inevitable anarchic style it will become. As I will discuss over the time of the blog, there is more to goth than all black and that goth simply defines an aesthetic, giving it structure to allow everyone else to understand the madness.
To me goth is neither of these and is all of this. Goth to me is whatever you want it to be. It is not about rules and regulations on dress, hair, music and attitude. Goth is simply a word that encompasses an attitude of alternate. Punks, goths, emo's, skaters, hippies and anyone else that does not follow the Topshop/River Island trend. To me the value of goth is that you can be whoever you want to be.
If you want to wear all black and don a leather floor length jacket then go for it. If you want to wear mismatched florescent patterns, wild shoes and crazy makeup then that's great to. Each is goth in its own way. Each is alternate in its own way. So why is this not a diary of alternate fashion? It is simply because goth, like punk or emo is simply a label to represent something. Alternate means not the norm and with no restrictions. Although that is the ultimate goal, to label it as goth gives an initial structure to the inevitable anarchic style it will become. As I will discuss over the time of the blog, there is more to goth than all black and that goth simply defines an aesthetic, giving it structure to allow everyone else to understand the madness.
Why?
Why start this blog? I am a student in my final year, 21 and ready to go out into the real world. So why am I so concerned with something like this now? Being a goth, an emo, a skater or any other social trend is often a choice reserved for the first few years of secondary school. They eventually 'grow out of it' and become 'normal' like the rest of us. All I can say is, how boring! Why can't we be who we want to be, act how we want to act and of course dress how we want to dress?
I am not a 'normal' guy by any stretch of the imagination but I am not a stand out, life and soul of the party kind of person. I have a very happy and strong relationship with my girlfriend so this is not some win girls or friends strategy or attention seeking farce. I just want to be who I always have been. I do not hate the world or life. I smile alot, laugh and am a genuinely happy guy.
So why goth? Goth as an aesthetic is very attractive to me, as an image. The ideals and philosophy behind the movement seem an appealing lifestyle. So this blog is going to attempt to document this journey to the dark side, per se. I do own some gothy-esque clothing and looks but the whole idea is the adaptation of the lifestyle into mine. A 100% goth and not just a weekend/ when-I-can-be-bothered goth.
I am not a 'normal' guy by any stretch of the imagination but I am not a stand out, life and soul of the party kind of person. I have a very happy and strong relationship with my girlfriend so this is not some win girls or friends strategy or attention seeking farce. I just want to be who I always have been. I do not hate the world or life. I smile alot, laugh and am a genuinely happy guy.
So why goth? Goth as an aesthetic is very attractive to me, as an image. The ideals and philosophy behind the movement seem an appealing lifestyle. So this blog is going to attempt to document this journey to the dark side, per se. I do own some gothy-esque clothing and looks but the whole idea is the adaptation of the lifestyle into mine. A 100% goth and not just a weekend/ when-I-can-be-bothered goth.
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